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You found God in Catholicism?!

Prayer conducted primarily in public becomes a matter of making announcements to God or to the group or to your own self-image...When we emphasize public, verbal and social prayer forms, along with group rituals, while not giving people any inner experience of their own inner aliveness...it tends to keep religion on the level of a social contract; this is often what we call cultural Christianity or civil religion...Social and public prayers hold groups and religions together, but they do not necessarily transform people at any deep level. In fact, group certitude and solidarity often becomes a substitute for any real journey of our own. 
--Richard Rohr, "The Naked Now"

One of the main criticisms of Catholicism is that it produces a "form of godliness" without the inner reality. The idea here is that instead of developing a personal relationship with God, Catholics emphasize performing formulaic rituals.

Religion without relationship, then, is akin to marriage without love. 

I think this is a valid criticism of Catholicism insofar as it refers to a Catholicism that emphasizes rote imitation and not inner transformation. But it's important to remember that this "form of godliness" can happen in any church or denomination. My guess is that the lack of inner reality is probably the fault of poor discipleship and bad Christian example than Catholicism itself.

As humans we seem to have this inherent need to systematize everything. We want it all codified and organized. But what is so scandalous about the grace of God is that it's not limited to our ability to organize it.

The grace of God breaks out and goes rogue just when we think we've tamped it down.

Catholics are not the only ones who have seemingly codified the approach to God. 

If, as fundamentalists often told me, I would only come to know God through reading my Bible--I would probably be an atheist by now. Reading the Bible was simply not an option since it had often been used as a weapon against me. 

As blasphemous as it sounds, God was going to have to be bigger than the Bible, bigger than a Sunday sermon, bigger than a Church.

I needed to know one thing: did God love me unconditionally? 

The problem with a question like that is that it's completely irrational. First of all, it presumes there is a God and secondly it presumes that He's capable of loving and thirdly, it asks if that love is unconditional. 

Apparently, I like to ask the questions that have no answer.

At least, no systematic, theological, rational answer. 

I probably wouldn't even ask this question if I wasn't first brought to a place of complete and utter lowness. This is where I found myself after the twins were born. I was desperate. And in that desperation was a kind of grace because I was open to the possibility of finding God in an unexpected place: Catholicism.

This is not to say that God was/is limited to the Catholic Church. But it is to say that it's not really up to me to tell God where to reveal Himself and for reasons that are entirely beyond my ability to understand them, I first began to experience the unconditional love of God in that ancient form of liturgical worship.

There are, of course, many Catholics who grew up in the Church and say they were never "saved" or ever had a personal encounter with God. I understand this frustration and to be honest, there are things about the Catholic Church--or, perhaps more precisely, their way of doing things--that truly perplex me as well.

I think what gives me hope is that the Church is an organic, tangible body that is still developing, growing, changing, adapting. Yes, it moves too slowly for many. 

But it is moving.

In the end, all I really needed was an experience of my "own inner aliveness" as found in the unconditional love of God. I found that in Catholicism. 

And yet, I still hold a deeply embedded fondness and debt of gratitude to my Protestant upbringing. If anything, I see myself as a spiritual pilgrim--caught between two worlds.

It's a fairly lonely pilgrimage--nobody on either side of my family is Catholic. There are times when the loneliness of it is just totally overwhelming, especially when I hear the muttered jokes, the mocking comments, the misinformed prejudice.

I don't know how to answer that. I really don't. So, I keep quiet.

There's no way to have that conversation because there's no way of explaining it in coldly rational, intellectual, systemized terms. Sometimes I wish God could have revealed Himself to me in, say, Presbyterianism--I really didn't want to end up Catholic.

But that wasn't my choice to make.

All I know is that once I was lost, but now I'm found.

And most of all, there is no fear in love for perfect love casts out fear.

Love is my only hope, my only certainty.

but the greatest of these is love...

{i know i said i was taking a break this week but the not writing is like not breathing and i just can't hold my breath anymore. you don't mind, do you?}

The rain is falling softly in filmy layers across the black asphalt street where I am sitting in the parked family car, a dull ache growing in my chest like a tumor.

It's quiet here, in the car. I've escaped--albeit briefly--for a moment's respite from the constant state of play-acting, poll-taking, peace-making.

When I was younger I used to believe that there were answers for every question, solutions for every dilemma. I don't believe that anymore.

The best we can hope for, it seems, is to manage the dysfunction: to bail out the boat, bail out the leaky boat. Find a way. Patch the holes. Bind up the slights and spites with contrite hearts and the gentle salve of soft words.

And in all the bailing and failing, the wailing and tattle tale-ing, we stumble across moments of certainty, of clarity and I think--although I'm not sure--that these moments are love.

But still, I must escape to the quiet, to this car parked in the loaminess of this wet darkness and listen. Listen to the sound of falling rain.

Love, perhaps, is our only hope. Our only certainty.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm taking a brief respite from the Internets this week in order to focus exclusively on my family during the Thanksgiving holiday. While I'm gone, my blog will be undergoing some re-constructive surgery--so don't be alarmed if things look a little messy for a few days. Until Sunday, I wish all my American peeps a very Happy Thanksgiving! And for my non-American friends? Happy Happiness! :)

"My son is gay:" Mommy blogging gone too far?

I've expanded on my thoughts about Mommy-bloggers over-sharing for my column in The Orange County Register this week. It was a difficult but necessary piece to write. This is a discussion we need to have. Please read and share: "My son is gay:" Mommy blogging gone too far?

Over-share, much? Rules & Boundaries for Mommy bloggers?

Today I'm at OCFamily.com talking about how Mommy bloggers can share their stories authentically without unnecessarily exposing their children. Please watch and share your thoughts?

Everything I Needed To Know About Life I Learned While Open-Air Preaching (as a fundie kid)

1. Nobody can look away from the train wreck that is a 5 year old kid preaching the Gospel on a street corner. This is how I learned that if parents use their children as a human platform for their religious convictions, they'll get plenty of attention. Don't do this to your own kids.

2. The key to an awesome open-air preaching sermon is a "good" testimony. Alas, my testimony was boring. I "got saved" at age 4. Still, that didn't keep me from proclaiming to passerby that I'd been a "wretched sinner!" Controversy sells.

3. People will heckle you even if all you're saying is "Jesus loves you." This is how I learned that hatuhz gonna hate no matter what you say. Be true to YOU.

4. Listen to the hatuhz. Usually you can outwit them. And when you say something witty, you defuse the crowd and everyone laughs.

5. If all else fails, sing a song. People won't stop to listen to you read from your 10 ft. wide KJV, but they'll probably stop to listen to you sing an emotional rendition of "Amazing Grace." Music is a universal language.

6. Keep an eye out for kindly old ladies. They'll stick around and offer to buy you ice-cream because you "touched their heart." Older folks make good friends.

7. Feminists might be angry but sometimes they make a good point. They'll yell at your Dad for brainwashing you and then shout at you to "THINK FOR YOURSELF!" Oddly enough, they'll turn out to be right.

8. Be suspicious of hecklers who want to argue about minutia. These peeps will just waste your time and make you doubt yourself. 

9. Your mom loves you even if you forget your lines or can't find the verse in your Bible. A mom's love is unconditional.

10. If you do something scary like open-air preach, you learn how to be courageous. And a big part of achieving your dreams is the courage to pursue them. One day when you're free, courage will come in handy.

 

Tips & Resources for keeping kids safe online

My column for the Orange County Register this week is a helpful compilation of resources and tips for keeping your kids safe online. Enjoy!

EE's Love/Sex Advice Column! ASK THE ADVICE FAIR-EE!

In the interest of having more fun AND helping love-sick readers, I've decided to launch my very own Love, Sex Advice Column. WHY? Well, since Dr. Laura is retiring from radio, SOMEBODY with dubious credentials needs to take her place! ;P

Seriously, though. I get all kinds of emails and some of them even ask for my advice WHICH THEY SHOULD NOT DO SINCE I AM NOT A QUALIFIED ADVICE-ER. But, hey. I love doling out advice, solicited or otherwise. Because it's fun, peeps.

And who doesn't need more fun, am I right?

Plus also, I can TOTALLY be objective about other people's problems. My own? Not so much.

So, anyhoo, I envision this column as a collaborative effort. I'll give my opinion and then I want my awesome readers to weigh in with THEIR advice, too (because you KNOW you love to hand out advice!). It takes a village, amen?

Hopefully, this column will run once per week. Or once per year. It ALL depends on you and whether you send more emails asking for advice.

[PLEASE SEND EMAILS ASKING FOR ADVICE! Anonymous submissions OK!]

Wow. I sound like a used car salesman. BAD CREDIT OK! $0 DOWN! SEND EMAIL NOW!

Moving on. 

So, here is my first Advice Column taken from a real email exchange I had with a lovely young woman searching for love.

Aaaaaaand lights, camera, ADVICE!

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Today's letter comes from a 20-something single living in Atlanta, Georgia.

Dear EE:

I met a guy at church last January and we became good friends. He's very supportive about things that are important to me. I started having romantic feelings for him a few months ago but just found out that he doesn't feel the same way. I'm not sure he knows how I feel about him (although I thought I made it obvious). I don't know how to get over him! But I really don't want to lose the friendship. What should I do?

--Lonely in Atlanta

Dear Lonely,

If he's made it clear that he's not interested and you still have feelings for him--it's time to place the "friendship" on hold. Your ability to be a good, platonic friend is compromised by your romantic feelings. 

For example, he may want to chat as "just friends" and since you'd do anything just to be near him (even if you're only chatting about the weather!), you'll agree to hang out. But if you continue to hang out with him and especially if you start sharing emotionally sensitive information, you are building bonds that make him seem irreplaceable. I only see this causing more pain and frustration for you.

Until your romantic feelings have subsided, the wisest thing to do is to not spend time with him. AT ALL. Physical separation is the quickest way to get over emotional connection. 

It's time to cut the ties that bind. Find other friends to lean on--preferably girlfriends.

p.s. I'm pretty sure he knows you have/had feelings for him. Guys tend to pick up on that. :)

p.p.s. Which leads me to remind you that a gentleman never takes advantage of a woman's feelings. If he knows you liked him and he still invites you to coffee and/or calls you on the phone? He's sending mixed messages which can also be translated as: using you.

You're worth more than that!

With best wishes for finding true love, EE.

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 If you'd like some love help from The Advice Fair-EE, send me an email with the subject line: ADVICE.
BE SURE to share your advice with "Lonely" in the comment box!
Or just say hello in the comment box. Or chat about allergy meds. Or coffee.
You know, the usual. 

Also? SUBSCRIBE!
 

The 7 Stages of Blog Grief {a handy guide to pathetically freaking out all over the Internet}}

So, my blog went down sometime Friday afternoon (thank God it wasn't a Monday, am I right?). But THAT didn't prevent me from having a HUGE freak-out. 

In order to redeem my stupidity, I'm dissecting the 7 stages of blog grief for you. Just so you'll know what to expect when (NOT IF) your blog goes down.

1. Shock/Denial: when @adam_thedad tweeted me that he couldn't see my site. I was all taken aback. Hence, my brilliant response:

2. Calm, cool acceptance: it's time to notify everyone involved that yes, a tragic accident has occurred. Be professional. Use correct grammar.

3. Mood swings: even though you know it's not your fault and that the problem will probably get fixed, you start getting all irrational and worrying incessantly that nothing will ever be the same again.

4. Anger/Questioning Everything: if you find out that the problem is a result of a massive "malicious attack" on your host's company site,  just launch over the cliff into full-blown meltdown. Triple-tweet your distress (expect people to offer you cheese with your whine because OBVIOUSLY, lame "first-world" problems.).

5. Start crying literal tears about your virtual problem: your non-blog-reading husband is sure to COMPLETELY understand. 

6. Realize that you've just shot your "Christian witness" to, um, Hades. Clearly, you think too highly of yourself and your blog's importance. Also? You said damn in one of your tweets. Time to go to Confession. How do I explain a "blog" to a priest?

7. When your blog comes back online, act like a war just ended and you SURVIVED! Go around kissing everyone (virtually). Commit acts of random capitalization. Pretend you're Sally Field winning an Oscar. 

***Addendum, Disclaimers, ETC.***

The weirdest thing about all of this? It wasn't a fundie conspiracy to shut down my blog!
Also, I found out that some of you really DO love me. THANK YOU!
Lastly, my husband thinks I'm cute when I'm stressed out.

 But I'm really not interested in looking cute again. ANYTIME SOON.

And now that you have proof of my clinical insanity, why not join the fun by subscribing to my blog? :)