Everything I Needed To Know About Life I Learned While Open-Air Preaching (as a fundie kid)

1. Nobody can look away from the train wreck that is a 5 year old kid preaching the Gospel on a street corner. This is how I learned that if parents use their children as a human platform for their religious convictions, they'll get plenty of attention. Don't do this to your own kids.

2. The key to an awesome open-air preaching sermon is a "good" testimony. Alas, my testimony was boring. I "got saved" at age 4. Still, that didn't keep me from proclaiming to passerby that I'd been a "wretched sinner!" Controversy sells.

3. People will heckle you even if all you're saying is "Jesus loves you." This is how I learned that hatuhz gonna hate no matter what you say. Be true to YOU.

4. Listen to the hatuhz. Usually you can outwit them. And when you say something witty, you defuse the crowd and everyone laughs.

5. If all else fails, sing a song. People won't stop to listen to you read from your 10 ft. wide KJV, but they'll probably stop to listen to you sing an emotional rendition of "Amazing Grace." Music is a universal language.

6. Keep an eye out for kindly old ladies. They'll stick around and offer to buy you ice-cream because you "touched their heart." Older folks make good friends.

7. Feminists might be angry but sometimes they make a good point. They'll yell at your Dad for brainwashing you and then shout at you to "THINK FOR YOURSELF!" Oddly enough, they'll turn out to be right.

8. Be suspicious of hecklers who want to argue about minutia. These peeps will just waste your time and make you doubt yourself. 

9. Your mom loves you even if you forget your lines or can't find the verse in your Bible. A mom's love is unconditional.

10. If you do something scary like open-air preach, you learn how to be courageous. And a big part of achieving your dreams is the courage to pursue them. One day when you're free, courage will come in handy.

 

Comments

[yvonne]

no wonder i'm okay. I owe it all to the open air preaching :) yikes I still remember that feeling in my stomach right before my turn! so many college memories...

[Leanne]

open air preaching? Did you really have to go preach on street corners? Wow, just when I thought fundamentalism couldn't get any more abusive and shocking.
I appreciate your creative sharing. Those of us who have been abused/hurt/mistreated in the church seem to have few options. We either walk away and never come back. Or we find healing and the grace to forgive. I think your blogs, help us bless our past. Despite the pain caused, we find God's hand can redeem and bring good from our past.

[Elizabeth Esther]

Yes, I really preached on street corners. :) The good thing is, after getting heckled on a street corner, getting hateful blog comments feels like nothin'! Thank YOU for being so nice. :)

[Tara Meghan]

Oh that is funny! Speaking of preschool "train wrecks" I had the weirdest experience yesterday. My daughter went to a friend's "Egypt-themed" church summer camp and came home with a CD of the songs they had sung (mostly songs from the Chrisitan radio station that I really like). Sometimes she asks to listen to her "Gyptian music" (Egyptian, that is), and yesterday she was going around the house singing at the top of her lungs, "Jesus mighty to save! Jesus conquer the grave! Jesus, moth-fur-alf-the-station" (author of salvation), and I felt like I should be glad, but really...I was just kind of creeped out. I finally figured out that it was that the concept of the song is just wayyy too sophisticated for a tiny little kid. She can understand "Jesus loves me, this I know..." and some stuff about angels, and the like, but to go beyond that is probably just teaching her to parrot words. Moral of the story: I have to go to the Catholic bookstore and get her some actual kids music!

[Margo]

Your ability to now find humor in something that must've been devastating to go through as a child is to be applauded. I think through your unique style you are able to help ease the burdens of others who may have had similar experiences. I love what Leanne said!

[Jennifer (Conversion Diary)]

Wow, this is such an awesome post. Love it!

[Angie the Anti-Theist]

Beautiful and funny. I wish number 9 (unconditional motherly love) had been true for me. What I learned from similar experiences with different parents was that my mother's love was entirely conditional and could never be won.

All that to say, it sounds like your parents loved you and were good parents within their ability.

[Elizabeth Esther]

Yes, they were good parents and truly meant well. I've always believed that. All parents make mistakes. At the end of the day, love wins. :) I'm sorry #9 wasn't true for you. Thanks for reading, here.

[Elizabeth Esther]

PTL for the silver lining, amen? :-) xo. sharing those memories with you....

[Sarah Mae]

I love watching Ray Comfort open air preach - he is funny, but he really loves people and wants to see them know Jesus.

"Alas, my testimony was boring. I "got saved" at age 4. Still, that didn't keep me from proclaiming to passerby that I'd been a "wretched sinner!" Hehehe...

[Leah]

I spent a LOVELY semester at a huge secular university in a bustling city, and while I would walk to class everyday, there would be a 50-something year-old man preaching with a megaphone in the open square in front of the university library. I would always cringe inside as the eccentric, diverse, & hip 18-22 year-olds passed by this scruffy old dude proclaiming fire and brimstone messages into a megaphone, but I did occasionally think, "Hmm...well, that old guy is... courageous." : )

[Leah]

Oh, and I suspect that it wasn't only the feminists who were wishing that you would think for yourself!
Maybe I'm biased, but I'd have to agree that feminists make great points, indeed. ;-)

[Jack]

\\My daughter went to a friend's "Egypt-themed" church summer camp and came home with a CD of the songs they had sung (mostly songs from the Chrisitan radio station that I really like)\\

I wonder if they said the FIRST thing about the Coptic Church of Egypt--one of the oldest in the world?