The 7 Stages of Blog Grief {a handy guide to pathetically freaking out all over the Internet}}

So, my blog went down sometime Friday afternoon (thank God it wasn't a Monday, am I right?). But THAT didn't prevent me from having a HUGE freak-out. 

In order to redeem my stupidity, I'm dissecting the 7 stages of blog grief for you. Just so you'll know what to expect when (NOT IF) your blog goes down.

1. Shock/Denial: when @adam_thedad tweeted me that he couldn't see my site. I was all taken aback. Hence, my brilliant response:

2. Calm, cool acceptance: it's time to notify everyone involved that yes, a tragic accident has occurred. Be professional. Use correct grammar.

3. Mood swings: even though you know it's not your fault and that the problem will probably get fixed, you start getting all irrational and worrying incessantly that nothing will ever be the same again.

4. Anger/Questioning Everything: if you find out that the problem is a result of a massive "malicious attack" on your host's company site,  just launch over the cliff into full-blown meltdown. Triple-tweet your distress (expect people to offer you cheese with your whine because OBVIOUSLY, lame "first-world" problems.).

5. Start crying literal tears about your virtual problem: your non-blog-reading husband is sure to COMPLETELY understand. 

6. Realize that you've just shot your "Christian witness" to, um, Hades. Clearly, you think too highly of yourself and your blog's importance. Also? You said damn in one of your tweets. Time to go to Confession. How do I explain a "blog" to a priest?

7. When your blog comes back online, act like a war just ended and you SURVIVED! Go around kissing everyone (virtually). Commit acts of random capitalization. Pretend you're Sally Field winning an Oscar. 

***Addendum, Disclaimers, ETC.***

The weirdest thing about all of this? It wasn't a fundie conspiracy to shut down my blog!
Also, I found out that some of you really DO love me. THANK YOU!
Lastly, my husband thinks I'm cute when I'm stressed out.

 But I'm really not interested in looking cute again. ANYTIME SOON.

And now that you have proof of my clinical insanity, why not join the fun by subscribing to my blog? :)

Comments

[Sarah Mae]

Hehehe...

[Mark]

OK...Not only am I glad your blog is back up but your post has made me LAUGH OUT LOUD!

[Alise]

Oh squee! I'm mentioned in an EE tweet on her blog! Swoon!

;-D

So glad your blog is up and running again. Life is back to normal. Or whatever it is when the blogs I love are all functioning correctly! (My husband would suggest that following blogs with this devotion is not exactly normal. But what does he know? He calls his blog a freaking nerjal. Weirdo.)

[Rae]

:D

[Jessica]

I'm pretty sure if it was me I would have had my own little freak-out. :)

[laurie]

My bank account crashed over the weekend and I had similar reactions.

[Scott Morizot]

I was busy at a family thing, but noticed your tweets. You *are* cute when you're stressed out. ;)

[Natasha Standen]

And there was I going with the conspiracy theory. I really think you are due a post on how our blogs *are* such an important part of our identity, history and self. It seems to have provoked a similar reaction to when photos and diaries get burned....so glad you got to get it back!

[frogla]

glad your back in biz!

[Emily]

I experienced similar anxiety when my browser told me "site cannot be found." ACK! I just found the one woman who "gets it"!!! And now she's gone forever!!! Waaaaaah! Oh. Wait. Here she is. Back to the 2008 posts so I can catch up on everything I missed before discovering this blog last week. WHEW. Crisis not averted, but greatly reduced. :)

[Dallas Ann]

lol forever.

Maybe I need to get over my fear of Twitter so I can watch the hilarity unfold in real time. :-)

[lollypop]

awesome post!

[Jack]

I'm so sorry the company's server was down.

I just thought it was a problem from my end.

Be assured, I find your blog a treat, Elizabeth!

[Caryl]

I wondered what happened to your blog...

*Psst* We left beer for our priest after our wedding. If he can figure out how to get the caps off my husbands' home brew, I think they can figure out what a blog is.

;o)

Caryl

[Christian H]

1) This is why I don't tweet, and why I am cautious with Facebook stati.
2) This is pretty much how I acted when you put up the Saturday Evening thing so late. As you probably know from the e-mail I sent you. Which isn't to blame you at all; I knew you probably had a reason, like being off having an actual life somewhere. Unlike me. The good news is that one then recognizes how dependent one has become.
3) On second thought, though it's rather like having a diary (or, for me, my notebooks) burn. Only these are also like letters, because folks have responded. But then they're like open letters, because they're public. Not something you want to lose.

[Susanne Barrett]

You are absolutely adorable when freaking out. Thanks for making me look sane.

Even good little Christian mommies can snark....

[L.A. Stylist Mom]

Mine has been hacked three, that's THREE times. This describes my "first time" perfectly. Now? I just shrug. Thanks JavaScript!

[Alison Golden]

Pretty much true, I'd say.

[Jesica Souders]

OMG. Too funny! :D Thanks I needed this. I'm also going to make sure I'm already following you, because I don't know what I was thinking if I haven't. :D

[CV Harquail]

Everybody-- go back up your blog right now!

[FireMom]

Oh. This was hilarious.

And, yes, I've been there, done that. I also usually tweet my hosting company with something like, "@company -- Server is down on bacon. FIX IT BEFORE I EXPLODEEEEEEEEEEE." Classy.

Great post.