You found God in Catholicism?!

Prayer conducted primarily in public becomes a matter of making announcements to God or to the group or to your own self-image...When we emphasize public, verbal and social prayer forms, along with group rituals, while not giving people any inner experience of their own inner aliveness...it tends to keep religion on the level of a social contract; this is often what we call cultural Christianity or civil religion...Social and public prayers hold groups and religions together, but they do not necessarily transform people at any deep level. In fact, group certitude and solidarity often becomes a substitute for any real journey of our own. 
--Richard Rohr, "The Naked Now"

One of the main criticisms of Catholicism is that it produces a "form of godliness" without the inner reality. The idea here is that instead of developing a personal relationship with God, Catholics emphasize performing formulaic rituals.

Religion without relationship, then, is akin to marriage without love. 

I think this is a valid criticism of Catholicism insofar as it refers to a Catholicism that emphasizes rote imitation and not inner transformation. But it's important to remember that this "form of godliness" can happen in any church or denomination. My guess is that the lack of inner reality is probably the fault of poor discipleship and bad Christian example than Catholicism itself.

As humans we seem to have this inherent need to systematize everything. We want it all codified and organized. But what is so scandalous about the grace of God is that it's not limited to our ability to organize it.

The grace of God breaks out and goes rogue just when we think we've tamped it down.

Catholics are not the only ones who have seemingly codified the approach to God. 

If, as fundamentalists often told me, I would only come to know God through reading my Bible--I would probably be an atheist by now. Reading the Bible was simply not an option since it had often been used as a weapon against me. 

As blasphemous as it sounds, God was going to have to be bigger than the Bible, bigger than a Sunday sermon, bigger than a Church.

I needed to know one thing: did God love me unconditionally? 

The problem with a question like that is that it's completely irrational. First of all, it presumes there is a God and secondly it presumes that He's capable of loving and thirdly, it asks if that love is unconditional. 

Apparently, I like to ask the questions that have no answer.

At least, no systematic, theological, rational answer. 

I probably wouldn't even ask this question if I wasn't first brought to a place of complete and utter lowness. This is where I found myself after the twins were born. I was desperate. And in that desperation was a kind of grace because I was open to the possibility of finding God in an unexpected place: Catholicism.

This is not to say that God was/is limited to the Catholic Church. But it is to say that it's not really up to me to tell God where to reveal Himself and for reasons that are entirely beyond my ability to understand them, I first began to experience the unconditional love of God in that ancient form of liturgical worship.

There are, of course, many Catholics who grew up in the Church and say they were never "saved" or ever had a personal encounter with God. I understand this frustration and to be honest, there are things about the Catholic Church--or, perhaps more precisely, their way of doing things--that truly perplex me as well.

I think what gives me hope is that the Church is an organic, tangible body that is still developing, growing, changing, adapting. Yes, it moves too slowly for many. 

But it is moving.

In the end, all I really needed was an experience of my "own inner aliveness" as found in the unconditional love of God. I found that in Catholicism. 

And yet, I still hold a deeply embedded fondness and debt of gratitude to my Protestant upbringing. If anything, I see myself as a spiritual pilgrim--caught between two worlds.

It's a fairly lonely pilgrimage--nobody on either side of my family is Catholic. There are times when the loneliness of it is just totally overwhelming, especially when I hear the muttered jokes, the mocking comments, the misinformed prejudice.

I don't know how to answer that. I really don't. So, I keep quiet.

There's no way to have that conversation because there's no way of explaining it in coldly rational, intellectual, systemized terms. Sometimes I wish God could have revealed Himself to me in, say, Presbyterianism--I really didn't want to end up Catholic.

But that wasn't my choice to make.

All I know is that once I was lost, but now I'm found.

And most of all, there is no fear in love for perfect love casts out fear.

Love is my only hope, my only certainty.

Comments

[Sarah Mae]

I love this Elizabeth, it is beautiful. These two things resonate with me the most...
"I needed to know one thing: did God love me unconditionally?"
"But it is to say that it's not really up to me to tell God where to reveal Himself..."

I am so glad that we can tear down the walls of fear and learn to love each other as Jesus sees us. It is my prayer; it is my hope.

[Heather C]

Beautiful. Simply beautiful.

[Fr. Christian Mathis]

Thank you Elizabeth. This expresses it very well.

[Sandra]

http://chroniclesofachristianheretic.blogspot.com/2010/11/bigger-god.html

I gave you a shout-out on my blog for this post. Any God worth worshipping is sooo much bigger, more mysterious, and more ineffable than any parochial, tribal, denominational deity.

I am so happy (such a mild phrase!) that you have found a space to commune with the Divine, that God has spoken to your soul and you were able to respond.

[Mark S.]

Beautiful reflection, EE. Thanks for expressing so clearly that which often is jumbled in my mind and more jumbled when I am asked questions by my RCIA students. I have found God's love as an unexpected gift over and over, even when I don't love myself. And He is the source of all that I have become and all I hope to do. I see that now. I NEED the Holy Spirit to fill me, to pray for me when my words cannot. I also deeply love your honor and pride in the Protestant traditions that were good and which you will always have. We teach that to our students because, as you said, God is bigger than anything we poor humans can imagine. So I just find myself being more trusting, more hopeful, less controlling; all a little bit more each day. Clearly my relationship with God is evolving and I pray that I may keep seeking Him who seeks me with boundless love.

[Sandy C.]

Thank you for this beautiful expression of the things I have tried to express. I also found God in Catholicism after a very difficult experience in an Evangelical church (and a childhood in a fundamentalist one). At age 50, I'm almost afraid to believe the hope and peace I feel. I'm with you, sometimes I still wish God could have revealed himself to me in "Presbyterianism". I also do not know what to say to family members. (I have not yet even told my Dad or Stepmother I'll be joining the Catholic church this Easter. I don't where to begin.) All I know is God spoke to me once again through the liturgy this morning. I feel His Presence in the Eucharist. I feel His unconditional love and His grace in ways I never understood before. But it's more than my feelings. It is truth and 2,000 years of trailblazing spiritual ancestors ahead of me, pointing the way.

God bless you on your journey and thank you, once again, for sharing it with us.

[Christian H]

Saying that God must be bigger than the Bible isn't especially blasphemous. It is God who gives authority to the Bible, not the other way around.

[Leanne]

I grew up in churches who were afraid of Advent and Lent and making too much of communion because it seemed too Catholic. And I have made my way towards more liturgy. I am now in the Methodist Church but have been at home in the Episcopal, the Catholic and the Orthodox settings also. Many of my friends have made the journey from the "unorganized" (less liturgy, less polity) churches to the high church worship. I remember my "low church" worship services often complained about the "worldliness" of Christmas and Easter. Yet they shunned the participation in the Church Calendar like it was the plague. I am more convinced than ever, to keep Christmas well, we must observe Advent. The rhythm of the Church Seasons beckons us to remain in sync with the Master.
Thank you for your honesty and simple words of your journey. I celebrate with you the joy and healing found in liturgy, in the words written by saints who have journeyed before us, in the gentle rhythm of the Church calendar.

[Sarah@EmergingMummy]

Good and true, in the best sense of the words. Thank you, EE.

[KatR]

I envy you this so much. I wish I could find a way of relating to God. My questions to God are just met with silence.

[Sue]

Beautifully said, EE. I'm right there with you!

[Elizabeth Esther]

You are daily in my prayers, Kat. Know that. xo.

[Elizabeth Esther]

Good point!

[Elizabeth Esther]

Yes, it's more than emotion. I've been deeply comforted by the strong undergirding of solid orthodoxy as evidenced in the writings of many of the early Church Fathers. Thank you for sharing and congratulations on entering the Church this coming Easter!

[Elizabeth Esther]

Your prayer echoes my own.

[Colleen]

Beautifully said. I too found God in Catholicism. The Eucharist is what first brought me to the Church and I am grateful beyond words.

[Jessica]

This I love: "The grace of God breaks out and goes rogue just when we think we've tamped it down."

I grew up in Southern Baptist churches (and still am in one)and while I am deeply appreciative of the Word-based teaching, it's in the last few years that I've really been drawn to liturgy and more of the high church ways.

Christmas and Easter have really grown in meaning for me as I've delved into observing Advent and Lent, practiced lectio divina, and even learned prayer in the ways of the Christian mystics (just don't tell the SBC, k? They may call for an intervention).

I think there's a lot that evangelical Protestantism gets right, but also a lot they miss...to their detriment.

[I am His beloved]

Elizabeth,
I grew up in Catholicism, (baptized as a baby, confirmed and went to a Catholic high school) then in my 20's was introduced to an independent fundamental church..."got saved", went to an IFB college and got hired onto a well known " Mecca" of fundamentalism church.
Now..I am out of church and completely confused. All I know is that I know my God is a God is grace and yes, unconditional love. I am done with religion and am all about Jesus.
My question for you...in all the years of the Catholic church I was desperate to find substance when the priest came up to speak...I strained to find it and never did. I suppose like you said, you have felt unconditionally loved and that is the draw. Whatever it is I am glad you have found peace.
It IS a lonely journey isn't it??
Thank you Elizabeth.

[Elizabeth Esther]

Such good points, Jessica. Whenever people try to pin me down and ask me which side I appreciate more I say: "It's not either/or. It's both/and." :) thank you for sharing and p.s. i won't tell the SBC on you! :)

[Elizabeth Esther]

The draw was the Eucharist. I wanted Communion more often than once a month. I wanted it weekly--even everyday if possible! I wasn't looking for expositional preaching or a charismatic, dynamic congregation. I wanted Jesus. And I found Him in the Eucharist. Does that answer your question?

[I am His beloved]

It does..I've read your response over and over and yes, I see how you have found Him.
Such peace.
I am so very glad you did Elizabeth, I truly am.

[Jennifer]

Elizabeth,
Again, I have found a kindred spirit in you and your writing... Thank you for this post. I grew up Baptist, school, church 3x's a week. I am sure it was the Holy Spirit that lead me to the Catholic church. Those of you searching, if you ask God to show you his truth, He will not disappoint. Just be open to Him. The Catholic faith is a beautiful gift. I have no relatives on either side that are Catholic also. It isn't easy. But God has blessed... As far as finding substance in the mass, I grew up with a commentary after church like, "He was a good preacher" or " He really related to my life." But I have realized the mass is God's gift to us. We are there to be with Him, and receive Him in the Eucharist. I have changed and I don't go to mass to be entertained or enlightened, but to be quiet and listen to God when He receives me too.
Blessing to all of you and thank you again Elizabeth. I loved your post about finding Jesus through Mary... just beautiful.

[Susanne Barrett]

I always say I have one foot planted firmly in the evangelical Protestant tradition and the other foot planted even more firmly in the liturgical catholic (small "c") tradition. I bounce between a conservative Anglo-Catholic Church and an EV Free Church each week and love both churches for very different reasons. :)

[Ruth Ann]

Your essay is quite beautiful. I've always been Catholic, and have had a relationship with Jesus from the get-go. I remember my first Holy Communion and I absolutely knew in faith it was Jesus. The Eucharist has been and continues to be what keeps me Catholic.

I will have to say that the conviction that God loves me unconditionally took awhile. But when that grace happened---my relationship with the Lord entered a new phase.

I'm so happy for you, Elizabeth.

[Elizabeth Larson-DiPippo]

Elizabeth,

Thank you so much for this. It echoes my own feelings so well. I grew up as the daughter of a Baptist minister and now am married to an ex-Catholic who has found Jesus in our Evangelical style Baptist Church, while I find myself more and more drawn to the Catholic church. He tries to be understanding and supportive but I can tell that it is really hard for him. My question for you is since I"m not Catholic and I'm not sure when or if I"ll be ready to convert completely, is there anyway I can participate in the Eucharist? I have taken it a few times over the years and have always felt guilty, not because I believe it is wrong, but because I don't want to offend anyone by taking it without "permission". Since then I usually just receive the blessing whenever I go forward. Can a seeker participate in the Eucharist? Thanks for your honesty about your faith journey. It is a true encouragement.

[Sarah@From Tolstoy to Tinkerbell]

My mother grew up Catholic, but I was raised in the fundamentalism movement. While I may never convert to Catholicism, I do admire the rituals of confession to a person, the ceremonies, there is something wonderful and lovely about those. I envy those mediative Catholic churches where the atmosphere creates a sense of awe lacking in many Protestant churches.

[Elizabeth Esther]

My understanding is that non-Catholics can participate in the Eucharistic meal via "spiritual communion"--ie. thanksgiving of heart and receiving the blessing but not actually partaking of the Host. The Eucharist is considered the "source and summit of the Christian life" and is reserved for those who have been baptized and confirmed into the Church.

This is really difficult for Protestants to appreciate since most Protestant churches allow ready access to anyone who claims to be Christian to the Communion table. The difference is that Catholics believe the Eucharist is the literal body and blood of Christ--not just a symbolic memorial. As such, it is to be treated with utmost reverence and can't be doled out to just anyone who waltzes in off the street. So, you were correct: The "proper" protocol here would be for you to receive the blessing and participate via "spiritual communion." I'm guessing at some point this will not be enough and your hunger for the Eucharist will grow--as did mine. :) If that is the case, then the Holy Spirit will make a way for you to enter (those who truly desire Christ are never turned away empty-handed). :)

Hope this helps?

[Susan]

I loved reading your post. I grew up in Fundamentalism, and was suffocated by it. A few years ago we began visiting, and ended up joining an Anglican Church where I found that big God that you and I were seeking. I fell in love with Jesus, and the Eucharist is my favorite part of the service. God bless you.

[priest's wife]

I'm a long-time convert (I was 12)- gotta love the Eucharist and yes....confession!

[priest's wife]

here's a beautiful prayer- that might work for a spiritual communion as well-

O Lord, I believe and profess that You are truly Christ, the Son of the living God, Who came into the world to save sinner, of whom I am the first. Accept me as a partaker of Your mystical supper, O Son of God; for I will not reveal Your mysteries to Your enemies, nor will I give You a kiss as did Judas, but like the thief I confess to You: Remember me, O Lord, when You shall come into Your kingdom. May the partaking of Your Holy Mysteries, O Lord, be not for my judgment or condemnation, but for the healing of soul and body. O Lord, I also believe and profess that this, which I am about to receive, is truly Your most precious Body and Your life-giving Blood, which I pray, make me worthy to receive for the remission of all my sins and for life everlasting. O God, be merciful to me, a sinner. O God, cleanse me of my sins and have mercy on me. O Lord, forgive me, for I have sinned without number. Amen.

[Smoochagator]

Oh, Elizabeth, I can SO relate. I was raised fundigelical as well, with a deep prejudice against Catholicism. What changed things for me is that over a year ago, a friend who is Catholic started answering questions for me and I realized that a LOT of anti-Catholic prejudice is, as you said, based on misinformation. I found out that this supposedly repressed, woman-hating, stuck-in-the-dark-ages church actually had really good reasons for taking the stand it does on certain moral and social issues. I may not have been so receptive, though, if I hadn't been confirmed in the Episcopal ("Catholic Lite," LOL) Church as a teenager. At that time I fell in love with ageless beauty of liturgy, and my heart was prepared to appreciate and receive the ageless teachings of the Church.

I haven't converted to Catholicism, for a great many reasons, and I'm not sure if I ever will. But I do know that I can't hold on to that B.S. about "rote prayers," "form without meaning," and "Mary-worshipping" any more.

[Mary E.]

If I may chime in to Elizabeth L's question... (My background: I am a Catholic coming back to the Church and have a Protestant husband who is converting to the Catholic church, so we've looked into these issues, talked to priests, read the catechism, etc.)

Anyway, the answer to your question is no, as a Protestant you couldn't participate in communion (even if you did already believe in the Real Presence) until AFTER you became Catholic. It's not that the Church doesn't want you there...they do. I'm sure they would be happy to talk to you about converting and of course they would be thrilled for your husband to "come home."

However, because communion is about full communion with the Catholic church, as well receiving the body and blood of Christ, you would have to convert first before receiving communion. (Don't worry about the times you went up before...you were just working on the knowledge you had, innocent mistake.)

Who can participate in the actual communion is explained a bit on the first page or so of that "Breaking Bread" missal book you see at Mass. The same language is here http://www.usccb.org/liturgy/current/intercom.shtml

Even some Catholics can't receive communion. I cannot receive it now, because I'm a Catholic who got married in a Protestant church. Therefore, I have to get my marriage "convalidated" with a small church ceremony in the Catholic church before I can take communion.

Sometimes the rules makes me grumble, but then I remind myself that "communion" also means I am in full communion with the Catholic church. (And that the Catholic church was around first, before people decided to split.) I know it can seem hard to wait though. Maybe you can join your church's RCIA class to learn more, if it's not too late to join this year's session.

You can also buy the Catechism of the Catholic Church at most major bookstores or explore it online. http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/ccc_toc.htm Another web site, catholic.com, has lots of good resources.

Or just call a priest or deacon and make an appt. (Keep in mind though, with the huge size of some parishes, there's usually a waiting period for an appt. But once I talked to my priest, he could not have been nicer. Empathetic, answered my questions, but was not at all pushy. I had been away from the church for decades, but NO guilt at all, just joy that I was thinking of coming back.)

I hope that my long answer didn't just confuse you more! Start out by poking around that online catechism website above or catholic.com. It's a low-pressure way to glean more info.

[Mary E.]

You know what makes me so sad, to the point of tears? My husband and I are pussy footing around his Baptist family, afraid to tell then that he is converting to the Catholic Church, because he is so afraid they will see it as a defection from Christianity and a rejection of his parents. (He already knows they think Catholics worship the pope and statues, aren't "real" Christians, etc., so it's he's not imagining the distress they will feel.)

He's not afraid of the debates (though I am...bawk bawk bawk!). What he's most afraid of is causing acute emotional and perhaps even physical stress to them when he tells them he wants to become Catholic. Meanwhile it's Christmas and we get all nervous when the topic of church comes up at parties, because we're still keeping this to ourselves. He will tell them any day now, and I just pray that they won't be completely traumatized...or accuse me of brainwashing.

It's just so sad, this whole Protestant/Catholic divide. We are all Christians doing this to each other, making each other nervous at Christmas celebrations of all places, it makes me want to weep. But then I read sites like this, with such respect for both sides, and I know there is hope.

[Sisterlisa]

I think it's absolutely wonderful that God is revealing His Son in so many of varying 'Christian' faiths and He is actually doing the same among other 'faiths' and even among people who never go to church. It sure causes the critics to be perplexed, doesn't it? ;O) heehee

I went to a Lutheran church growing up, but not as a member, just as a Sunday School girl who hung out with her friends. I began in the 2nd grade and went until I was about 17. Then I didn't go anywhere for a few years until I met my man..and we went to a few different churches together. I had my first deep encounter with Christ at the age of 19, then we migrated into a legalistic fundamentalist church where my joy was squashed for 15 years by legalities that shamed me into thinking I was not good enough. Exiting that place and not going to any church is where my passion was renewed..and He caused me to find other bloggers who shared their own journeys with God in cyberspace. I can tell by how you write about our Lord that your heart is genuinely touched by Him and you are joyful and happy and content in Christ. Our 'understanding' of man's interpretations of the Bible are not our way to God anyway. ((hugs))

[Sisterlisa]

Mary, I came out of a strict baptist movement..I have something that may empower him with his parents...what is the difference between their idea of the Pope and their own Pastor telling them his interpretation is 'correct'? Our salvation is not contingent upon our 'understanding' of our religious forefather's interpretations of the Bible. Each church has it's own traditions and perspectives of the Bible. But God is always love no matter what we think of the Bible, clergy, the Pope, or the Baptist pastors. As long as you are in fellowship with people you love and who love you, you can have spiritual communion among them in the love of Christ.

[Sisterlisa]

I sympathize with you on coming out of IFB...oiy! Praise God for freedom in Christ to go where He leads us.

[Caryl]

What a great post. I 'finished' my Catholic upbringing after much soul searching as an adult (I was baptized in the Catholic church as a newborn, and completed RCIA at 35) but find myself just as at home in a Baptist Church. I love listening to gospel music on the way to Mass. My African American friends think I'm silly but I love to crank up the gospel music and then go inside the quiet Catholic church for introspection. And then blast the gospel music on the way home LOL