ElizabethEsther.com

Everything I Needed To Know About Life I Learned While Open-Air Preaching (as a fundie kid)

1. Nobody can look away from the train wreck that is a 5 year old kid preaching the Gospel on a street corner. This is how I learned that if parents use their children as a human platform for their religious convictions, they'll get plenty of attention. Don't do this to your own kids.

2. The key to an awesome open-air preaching sermon is a "good" testimony. Alas, my testimony was boring. I "got saved" at age 4. Still, that didn't keep me from proclaiming to passerby that I'd been a "wretched sinner!" Controversy sells.

3. People will heckle you even if all you're saying is "Jesus loves you." This is how I learned that hatuhz gonna hate no matter what you say. Be true to YOU.

4. Listen to the hatuhz. Usually you can outwit them. And when you say something witty, you defuse the crowd and everyone laughs.

5. If all else fails, sing a song. People won't stop to listen to you read from your 10 ft. wide KJV, but they'll probably stop to listen to you sing an emotional rendition of "Amazing Grace." Music is a universal language.

6. Keep an eye out for kindly old ladies. They'll stick around and offer to buy you ice-cream because you "touched their heart." Older folks make good friends.

7. Feminists might be angry but sometimes they make a good point. They'll yell at your Dad for brainwashing you and then shout at you to "THINK FOR YOURSELF!" Oddly enough, they'll turn out to be right.

8. Be suspicious of hecklers who want to argue about minutia. These peeps will just waste your time and make you doubt yourself. 

9. Your mom loves you even if you forget your lines or can't find the verse in your Bible. A mom's love is unconditional.

10. If you do something scary like open-air preach, you learn how to be courageous. And a big part of achieving your dreams is the courage to pursue them. One day when you're free, courage will come in handy.

 

On so-called "Biblical Womanhood"

I haven't talked to my daughter yet about "Biblical Womanhood" because most of what is taught about that topic can be boiled down to: God created women to serve men.

Which theology is very convenient, provided you're a man. 

True religion is supposed to abolish gender inequality, not capitalize on it. Religions that spiritualize base human desires like lust, greed or ambition are supposed to be non-Christian. But you wouldn't know that from reading some of today's most popular Christian books and blogs.

Patriarchy, it seems, is making a comeback. Proponents of this lifestyle even call themselves patriarchal--reclaiming that pejorative label as a badge of honor. Bestselling Christian books espouse the ideals of passionate,"Biblical Womanhood" or offer suggestions for becoming what God created you to be: your husband's helpmeet.

These books and blogs often assert that a woman's highest calling is to become a wife and a stay-at-home mother. Why? Because she was born with a uterus, of course.

It's a theology that abnegates personhood because it doesn't matter WHO you are, only WHAT you are: male or female?

Most troubling about this trend is that it's being led by women. Women are the authors of these books and blogs, women are the speakers at church retreats.

You know Operation Oppression has been successful when the oppressed start enforcing the oppression. It's a particularly frightening success made all the more virulent when led by zealous Christian women claiming to do "God's will." 

How does one argue with God? And even more disturbing, since when did Christians embrace Biblical interpretation that catered to human instinct instead of restraining it?

But apparently, this is the kind of "Christianity" that sells. 

As a former fundamentalist, it's been alarming for me to watch what were once the extremist doctrines of my fringe childhood church go mainstream. Blogs, books and conferences become instantly popular as soon as they start promoting the "Biblical Manhood" and "Biblical Womanhood" worldview.

Even the TV show like TLC'$ "18 Kid$ & Counting" ha$ developed $omething akin to a cult following. 

Still, I understand what these Christians are reacting against. Among these groups, it's a given that one of society's greatest evils stems from an overreaching, intrusive feminism. Feminism is blamed for everything from the emasculation of men, the legalization of abortion, the explosion of divorce.

And while I'm partially sympathetic to their criticism of the more strident forms of feminism, it's pretty clear that their reaction has gone over a cliff in its own way. Most tellingly are the practical implications resulting from a return to strict Biblical literalism.

As a friend of mine recently noted, the popular book "Created to Be His Helpmeet" by Debi Pearl reads like a manual for how-to-be an abused woman.

When you start exploring these ideas of "Biblical Womanhood," what these books really promote is: How To Subjugate Your Entire Being To The Dictate of Your Lord and Master (and we mean your husband, not God).

I have tried for years to talk reasonably with the folks who espouse the "Biblical Womanhood" worldview. Having come from a church that imploded after years of the same kind of legalistic practice, I thought they'd listen to me. It's usually an exercise in futility.

There's nothing so irrational as a person who believes they've inherited their opinion directly from God.

For one thing, there is a tendency for these women to get all hung up on literally translating Biblical sentence fragments. They hang onto these snippets as if their salvation depended on it.

Take, for example, Ephesians 5:24: "But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives out to be to their husbands in everything."

"See?" these ladies will say, "THE BIBLE SAYS be subject IN EVERYTHING!"

Sometimes I just want to pat their backs, feed them cookies and say, "There, there. No need to get all worked up about a sentence fragment."

I mean, the practical implications of literally translating "be subject...IN EVERYTHING" are fairly astounding--especially if you're married to an overbearing, abusive husband.

So, if preachers aren't ready to backup a husband's command that his wife jump off a cliff, then maybe they shouldn't preach Ephesians 5 like it's a literal blueprint for How To Live Your Life.

A better approach would be to say, "These can be some useful guidelines." But it's becoming increasingly rare to hear moderate approaches on anything having to do with "Biblical Womanhood." It's gotten to the point that even pointing out the Bible verse that calls for mutual submission is tantamount to questioning "God-given gender roles."

Apparently, some Bible verses are to be taken more literally than others--even if they appear in the same chapter.

It's all very discouraging. 

But my daughter isn't discouraged. She has plans, this one. She wants to become a professional ballerina.

So, I'll gladly shield her from the madness.

Because maybe, just maybe God created my daughter to...dance.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Subscribe to this blog:

 

How Mary brought me back to Jesus, part 2

A few weeks after I brought my babies home from the NICU (you can read about my first moment of appreciation for Mary in part 1), I was battling through PPD, managing 3 older children and breastfeeding preemie twins. I was absolutely humbled. I've never felt more desperate. 

This was a necessary lowness, I think. Before this, I had often relied on my powers of critical thinking to wrangle through theological debates. I approached the whole subject of Mary with the typical "prove 'em wrong," "show me the Bible verse!," "gotcha!" mindset of my fundamentalist childhood. 

But as I sat in my rocking chair, nursing my twins, it suddenly seemed totally ridiculous that I was approaching Mary as if she were a debate topic.

She was, after all, the the mother of our Lord! She was a PERSON, not a bullet point in a proposition/rebuttal debate.

At the very least, as the mother of my Savior, she deserved my respect. For the first time in my life I felt a shiver of shame regarding the way I had treated Mary. My approach to Mary--Jesus' mother!--had been so irreverent.

Did it grieve the heart of Jesus to see so many Christians like myself treat His own mother disrespectfully?

I had never once considered that maybe Jesus thinks His own mother is special. Yes, God could have chosen anyone to bear Christ. But He didn't. God chose Mary. She wasn't just the mother of Jesus. 

She.Was.The.Mother.of.Jesus.

I mean, really. Is there a higher honor?

Maybe, just maybe, Mary was important. Maybe she was really important.

How could I have ignored her for so long? Perhaps because I had simply accepted the male-dominated Christian narrative I had learned as a child.

I mean, this is how skewed it was: even when teaching the story of of Jesus' birth, we sang "extra-Biblical" songs about ox and cow before Him bow, but we never once pondered the Magnificat.

We certainly didn't sing about Mary.

It was almost as if we intentionally avoided her.

We didn't accord her any honor--not even in how we referred to her. She was just Mary. Or sometimes, if we needed to distinguish her from Mary Magdalene, she was "Mary, the mother of Jesus."

Contrast this with how we talked about Paul. I mean, we fell all over ourselves referring to Paul as a great apostle, John as the Revelator, John as The Disciple Jesus Loved.

But Mary was always just Mary. Nothing special, nothing worth noting really.

For the first time in my life I realized what a stunning oversight this was. It was almost as if in our haste to avoid being like those Catholics who "worshipped Mary," we'd demoted her from central character in the Nativity to one of the sidekick, background characters.

 
This was right around the time when I first watched EWTN, a Catholic TV channel. I watched--with great curiosity--some nuns praying the Rosary. I had never seen this before. Each morning as I breastfed my twins, I watched these nuns pray the Rosary and I was struck by two things: 

1. The Rosary was all about Jesus: each decade was devoted to a particular event in the life of Christ
2. Jesus was right in the center of each Hail Mary.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee,
Blessed art thou among women
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, JESUS.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for me, a sinner,
Now and at the hour of my death. Amen. 

I was completely blindsided by these discoveries. I mean, all my life I had believed "Catholics worship Mary." It was quite clear that these nuns weren't worshipping Mary. Rather, they were joining with Mary in worshipping Jesus!

What other human being knew Jesus more intimately than His own mother? Praying the Rosary was like sitting down with the one person who knew Jesus best and letting her take you through the events of her Son's life.

Still, I was pretty leery of praying the Rosary myself. But sometimes I murmured along with the nuns because, in spite of myself, the prayers soothed my anxiety and helped me focus. It was a form of prayer totally foreign and unfamiliar to the extemporaneous, "popcorn praying" style I had learned from childhood.

As I began to find great comfort in listening to these prayers, I simultaneously realized that this was NOT the empty, repetitive praying I had been warned against. This was prayer with purpose and deep intention. This was structured prayer that simply allowed me to fall into something more profound than myself.

I can't tell you the relief I felt. What I'd often referred to as "empty ritual" was becoming nothing less than a lifeline pulling me to safety.

Devotion to Mary did not detract from devotion to God. Indeed, it seemed to compliment it. How often had I appreciated other heroes of the faith whom God chose to use? God chose Mary to physically participate in the story of redemption. And isn't God big enough to bring along a grand entourage of co-participants? 

In other words, who am I to belittle or demean or simply neglect those whom God has clearly chosen to use?

I had never considered the life of Jesus through the eyes of His mother. I had never walked that road or seen His life from her viewpoint. But as I began to pray the Rosary--albeit falteringly and disjointedly--I began to catch an altogether different view of Jesus.

Jesus was full of love. Jesus loved his Mother. Jesus loved women. 

The strongest impression I had of Mary and Jesus was how much they loved each other. She never abandoned Him--even when most everyone else had. 

I began to understand some of her titles like "Mother of Sorrows." Could it be that Mary understood and sympathized with my sorrows? For so long I had been confused and unable to talk to God.

But now...could it be that I could run to Mary and pour out my heart to her? When I was afraid of talking to God directly, would Mary perhaps hear my cries for help and intercede to God on my behalf?

Could this be what Catholics meant when they said: "If you can't find Jesus, look for His Mother"?

I was finding Mary and she was gently leading me back to Jesus--her Son who never forgot her.

Even as He hung dying upon the cross, He looked down and seeing His mother, committed her into the care of the disciple John.

Jesus loved His mother. 

If Jesus loved her, that was enough for me. I was no longer going to ignore her.

I was going to love her, too.

**Sincere questions are always welcome but comments that disparage Catholics and/or Mary will not be published. There is so much misinformation and misunderstanding among Protestants regarding Mary that I have chosen not to perpetuate this on my blog. Thank you for understanding.**

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Subscribe to this blog: 

How Mary brought me back to Jesus, part 1

If there was one thing about Catholicism that totally freaked me out, it was Mary. I just didn't get it. Why did the Catholics make such a big deal out of her? After all, she was just a human being who needed salvation like everyone else. So far as I could tell, there wasn't anything special about her.

God could have chosen anyone to be the mother of Jesus. Catholics, I believed, had falsely elevated a human woman--a glorification that would have probably horrified Mary herself. Indeed, it was a glorification that flew too closely to goddess worship and plain ol' idolatry.

When I saw those Catholic bumper stickers that said: "If you can't find Jesus, look for His Mother," I was astounded and offended. How could Catholics be so blatant about their blasphemy? By giving Mary such a place of preeminence, weren't they diminishing the centrality of the cross and work of Christ? 

I never really stopped to think about the ways we, as fundamentalists, elevated other heroes of our faith. For some reason it never seemed to bother me how much we loved and exalted the apostle Paul or John the Revelator. We were forever quoting Romans and pondering the Apocalypse, but I can honestly say that I never ONCE heard a sermon that reflected on Mary.

Mary, you see, was just not that important.

God was male. Jesus was male. Paul was male. Luther was male. All the important heroes of the Christian faith were male. I cannot emphasize enough how the fundamentalist faith of my childhood was predominantly and emphatically masculine.

Women were God's afterthought--created for the sole purpose of serving men.

Looking back, I can begin to understand why we didn't give Mary much thought. In fundamentalism, women are second-class citizens. No wonder we treated Mary the same way.

The problem with being raised with an emphatically masculine faith was that it gave me a very distorted image of God. I'd often heard that we were created in God's image. But if God were male, what part of God's image did I reflect as a woman?

Additionally, the God of my childhood was a roaring, Almighty, vengeful God. I was terrified of Him. I often imagined him as a stern-faced judge just waiting to strike me down should I make a mistake.

When my childhood church imploded because of massive moral failure on the part of the male leadership, the engine of my belief just started shutting down involuntarily. 

I didn't know how to talk to God anymore. My twisted image of God prevented me from being able to come back to Him.

To my dismay, I discovered that all paths back to God were blocked.

I couldn't see God except through the lens of fundamentalism. If my relationship with God was going to be restored, I needed to see Him from a different point of view.

The first time I ever began to appreciate Mary happened during a moment of sheer desperation.

I had just given birth to premature twins and was standing in the NICU watching the nurses try to find a vein in one of my twins' arms. They couldn't find a vein and my fragile, underweight baby was screaming in agony as they prodded and pricked. 

They wouldn't let me hold her or touch her. I could do nothing to ease my child's pain. I had no choice but to watch her suffer.

"We're going to need to find a vein in her head," one of the nurses said. At that moment, I thought I would pass out. I could not BEAR to watch my child in physical anguish. I felt so helpless and alone. I thought I would vomit.

I leaned against the incubator to steady myself and at that moment, I was struck with a thought: this is a small taste of what Mary felt like while watching her Son suffer.

I'd never once felt a kinship with Mary. But in that moment it was like a firmly closed door opened just the tiniest bit. A crack of light appeared in my consciousness.

Mary understands. Mary watched her child suffer and there was nothing she could do about it. Mary understands.

I broke down sobbing right there in the NICU. I'd felt so abandoned by God and betrayed by church and Christians. I'd felt so alone.

But in that moment, I realized Jesus hadn't forsaken me. 

Because He'd sent His Mother to comfort me.

Part 2 next week!

**Comments that are disparaging to Catholics and/or Mary will not be published. There is so much misinformation and misunderstanding among Protestants regarding Mary that I have chosen not to perpetuate that on my blog. Thank you for understanding.**

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Subscribe to this blog: 

Halloween is NOT a pagan holiday---boycotts unnecessary!

Boycotting Halloween is like all popular now. When I was a kid, we were the only family in our entire neighborhood whose house went dark on Halloween. Because, you know, Halloween is a pagan, evil holiday and Christians shouldn't celebrate it 'cuz that's like Jews celebrating Hitler's birthday.

We didn't even pass out Gospel tracks like those Christians who see evangelistic outreach potential in every single holiday. And we certainly weren't going to throw a faux Halloween church party called a "Fall Festival." Because that was COMPROMISING WITH THE WORLD, yo.

So, we did the most Christian thing and cowered in our darkened home, praying we wouldn't get tricked. Or, you know, persecuted for righteousness' sake.

But now? Now it seems like all kinds of Christians--and not just fundamentalists--boycott Halloween. 

The common reasoning seems to be that Halloween, an originally "pagan holiday," was "Christianized" by Catholics--yet another example, fundamentalists like to say, of Catholics corrupting true, pure Christian faith.

As an adult, I realize our boycott of Halloween had more to do with anti-Catholic sentiment than actual historical fact. Back then, I didn't even think Catholics were Christians.

Now that I know the Catholic Church isn't, in fact, leading millions of souls to Hell, imagine my surprise in discovering that "the origins of Halloween are, in fact, very Christian and rather American."

When I was a fundamentalist, I never even stopped to ask what the word Halloween meant. 

Hallow=holy
e'en= contraction for the word 'evening'

Thus, Halloween means the holy evening before All Saints Day. 

All of which to say, I would probably still be a fundamentalist if it weren't for the Internets.

Furthermore, so what if Christians "Christianize" things? That doesn't alloy our faith. Christianizing is what Christians do. I mean, if we're gonna get really technical--didn't Christians "Christianize" the Jewish faith?

And anyway, who decided that the goal of life is to avoid all things pagan? If that's the case, I guess we better come up with a different name for Thursday since it was named after the god Thor.

Of course, Halloween has become a largely secular holiday with widespread overtones of the occult. But that doesn't mean Halloween needs to be boycotted altogether. It just means that a lot of mainstream Christians have allowed pre-Christian superstition about the dead to takeover what should be a redemptive holiday.

It's possible to celebrate Halloween without glorifying the secular aspects of this particular holiday. The true celebration of Halloween should be about acknowledging our mortality--followed by remembering those who have gone before us on All Saints Day.

It's possible to celebrate and enjoy Halloween if you can, like I had to, overcome the reflexively anti-Catholic perspective that was ingrained into my Protestant DNA. 

I really hope more Christians don't boycott Halloween this year because me and my five kiddos are going trick-or-treating and guess what? We don't want a Gospel pamphlet.

WE WANT CANDY!

Although if you pass out Mint Milanos instead? I'll totally say GOD BLESS YOU! :-D

*******DISCLAIMERS!*********

1. One buggy thing about Halloween is all the stupid, sexy costumes. On TODDLERS. 
2. It's even worse for tweens. My 11 year old wears tween sizes now and seriously, these are the options:
3. Sexy witch.
4. Sexy ladybug.
5. Sexy pumpkin.
6. At one point she was all: WHATEVER HAPPENED TO APPROPRIATE?
7. Her words.
8. See? It's not just moms who don't want sexy kid costumes. Even my KID doesn't want sexy.
9. We finally found something.
10. But next year? I'm so totally sewing the costumes.
11. Um. I have 5 kids. I better start sewing NOW. Ack!

Subscribe to this blog:
 

When you can't make sense of it all, make pizza. At the very least, dance in the kitchen with your rolling pin.

When I make pizza, I turn on the music and dance unabashedly with my rolling pin. Rolling pins are very obliging partners.

Scandalous as it may sound to my proper fundamentalist upbringing, I really like to have fun. I can't help it. I've tried to squelch that unholy urge for years. Then I discovered Catholicism.

Now I eat, drink and am merry. For tomorrow I go to Confession. 

KIDDING!

Let's just put it this way: Catholicism has given me the long-awaited permission to enjoy my life. Now I attack life with WILD ABANDON and without one tiny scintilla of guilt. I love making pizza, I love making sex, I love making a bajillion kids, I love a bustling, bright kitchen where food and drink and laughter, debate, discussion and dancing with rolling pins are not only allowed...they are CELEBRATED!

Speaking of pizza, look at this beauty I whipped up the other night:

 
I call it Greek Pizza. I don't know if there IS such a thing as Greek Pizza, but eh. I threw some Kalamata olives on there and called it Greek. OPA!

After all, I am Greek and we Greeks like to take credit for everything in Western civilization. Including Pizza. Which may or may not be Greek. But who's quibbling?

Is it Italy or Greece? Is it Rome or Constantinople? Is it the Pope or the Patriarch?

See, did you ever suspect that making pizza was so pregnant with such potential controversy?!

We Greeks also like to say the Greek Orthodox church was the official, original Church. To which I say: TYPICAL GREEK. Then again, I do love the Greek Orthodox Church and am sorely ticked off at my Grandfather for abandoning it and thinking he knew better and could start his own, new and improved church. WE ALL KNOW HOW THAT ENDED. Typical Greek.

So, here I am. And I hate picking sides.

Why should I? Anyone can see Italian pizza does just fine with Greek olives on top.

Can't the Orthodox and Catholic churches just make up already?

Everybody kiss and eat pizza!

OPA!

 

would you like to subscribe to the unabashed lunacy that is my bloggity blog? Of course you would!

I'm the chick with the broken heart who vows never to love again {should I go back to small group Bible studies??}

We went to small group last Sunday. It was great for everyone else. But for me? It was terrifying.

I wonder if anyone else noticed that I was only barely holding myself together. I doubt it. I do a pretty good job masking my emotions. Plus? I have finely honed social skills. I know how to shoot the breeze even if I'm dying inside.

But I pay for it later.

When we got home, I had to go bury myself in my bed with the covers pulled over my head and just be perfectly still for like 45 minutes. I was literally shaking from a.) the exhaustion and b.) the emotional energy drain of being around other Christians in a small-group environment.

The only happy moment was when some guy let out a "damn!" and I was all: YAY! A cussing Christian! 

Weird how that made me feel all better. At least for a minute it assured me that I wasn't sitting amongst hyper-conservative types.

I've been trying to process the experience this week and the only way I know how to deconstruct it is to describe it like this: I'm the chick who got cheated on and swore she'd never love again.

That's how bad church hurt me. I literally CANNOT sit comfortably in a small-group environment. I mean, I think a lot of people feel this way. It's uncomfortable for a lot of people.

But for me? It's like 20 billion times worse. I keep thinking all these terrible thoughts like: oh, yeah? YEAH? I know about you. When you're not spouting Bible verses you're totally surfing p*rn on the Internet.

Wow. Did I just really tell you what goes through my mind? Yes. And admittedly, it's awful. I'm sorry, I've just seen...so much yuck in the church and in church leadership. 

There are three reasons why I went to small-group:

1.) because my kids begged to go: they had friends attending and they all wanted to hang out.

2.) my husband wanted to go and he didn't want to go alone: I love him so much I'd practically do anything to make him happy

3.) I miss community: to be honest, there's just not an adequate substitute for real, true community. Scrapbooking just doesn't measure up, y'know?

So, I went.

I felt like crap afterward.

But still, I might go again next week. Because....because what if? What if maybe, just maybe these people are nice Christians and not ego-centric, abusive jerks?

Also, a huge part of me struggles to say no because saying no feels selfish. Is it really all about my painful past? It's not. Can I suck up the panic attack that inevitably follows? Sure. I can.

Do I want to? Hell, no.

I'd rather not go at all.

But.

But.

Maybe I'm the chick with the broken heart who is missing out on a second chance at true love.

Is it worth the risk?

I don't know.

I'll never know unless I try to love again.

But what if I get hurt again??????

Eleven Year Old Theology

She left a textbook at school and so she begged me to drive her there after dinner. I agreed. And I'm beginning to notice that sometimes our best conversations take place in the car. 

As we were driving, Jewel saw a bumper sticker and read it aloud: "God is too big to fit into one religion."

She didn't comment on it, so I gently picked up the reins of the conversation and gave them a little shake: "What do you think about that?"

She was quiet for a moment, thoughtful. She didn't rush into any answers like I would have done at her age.

"Well," she finally said, "I don't think I've established enough knowledge to have an opinion."

Seriously. Those were her exact words. 

I was so taken aback, I burst into laughter. She looked at me, almost half-hurt by my laughter: "Why is that funny?"

"I'm sorry, honey. I'm not laughing because it's funny!" I explained. "It was just so...so wise that it took me by surprise!"

In the next instant, it suddenly dawned on me that her answer was precisely what I've been hoping to hear. She goes to church, we pray as a family but it is a far cry from the whole-lifestyle religion of my childhood. We have made a concerted effort to NOT BE forceful or pushy with religious belief.

My hope is that her critical thinking skills coupled with us living out our Christianity, will lead her to the Truth. I've discovered that living life in the context of Christianity gives ample opportunity for discussing morality, belief, ethics. I don't have to go beating bushes to scare up "teachable moments," y'know?

All we have to do is turn on the radio and accidentally come across a Katy Perry song. Heh.

"Do you think there's one true religion?" Jewel asked me.

"Yes," I said. "That's what I believe. But I also think God can reach anyone, anywhere."

"I believe in Jesus," Jewel said. "But sometimes I wonder how we can really know that what we believe is the real, true thing."

Ah, yes. The ol' How Do You Know That What You Know Is True?

There was a time when I would launch into a full lecture, peppered with Bible verses, about how what we believe is true and real. I just don't feel that need anymore.

For one thing, I know that Jewel is going to have to forge her own journey into faith. My faith isn't sufficient for her, she needs to have her own encounter with the grace of God. I can help her identify that and encourage it, but I'm not going to hound her to read her Bible or memorize Scripture for candy and prizes.

My goal is for my children to have real faith and at this point in my life, I believe that's a gift from God. I've known too many people who practice their religion without genuine faith--and that's NOT what I want for my children.

I used to think my children's salvation was entirely dependent on my spiritual tutelage. I don't believe that anymore. I'm content to direct, encourage and coach them. Mostly, I need to live it myself. 

But I can't do God's work. That's His job.

As scandalous as it may seem (compared to my fundamentalist background), I guess I sorta do follow a laissez-faire approach to raising my children in the faith. I want my children to have genuine faith, but I'm not going to aggressively control that--mainly because, I can't control it.

"Jewel," I finally said. "I do believe there is objective Truth and answers to your questions. But I also think you're going to have to seek them and find them."

Jewel smiled. "I know, Mom," she said. "I just wish Christians could get along better. It's sad that there are so many arguments about things that are....kinda not that important, y'know?"

Yes, sweetheart. How well I know.

The End of Men? Not hardly.

Yesterday I read "The End of Men" at Church of No People. It was one of those pieces that sort of grew on me--but not in a good way. The more I thought about this piece, the more upset I became. Mostly because I think it exposes a common mindset that is hurtful to people like myself who have experienced actual abuse at the hands of church leadership.

Eventually, I became so disturbed that I decided I needed to write about it. Consider the following my rebuttal.

"The End of Men" begins with this premise:

I don’t mean to detract in any way from the plight of the victims in these cases.  But ironically, it isn’t just the victims who are victimized, but as an honest man, I’m victimized and so are you...

First of all, whenever someone prefaces their argument by saying "I don't mean to detract from the victims" that's usually what they end up doing. And by comparing his "victimization" with that of the victims of actual sexual abuse, detracting from the victims is precisely what this argument accomplishes.

 The point, ostensibly, is that sex abuse doesn't just hurt the credibility of innocent bystanders (ie. good men who are NOT perverts), but also undermines the quality of care these men are able to give their Sunday school kids, special needs kids, etc.

I think this is a valid complaint inasmuch as there are unfortunate incidents of collateral damage whenever a man in authority abuses his power. However, taking the position that innocent men are victimized stikes me as particularly whiny and borderline ridiculous.

In relating a story about a sexual harrassment training video, the author walked away feeling this:

That’s not fair.  It was embarassing to me.  Men don’t victimize others.  Very few men victimize others.  But no matter how well my co-workers or church members know me, they just might, for a second, wonder if I’m the next guy to molest some kids.  Because every child molester is the guy you’d “least suspect,” right?  Guilt by association.  As a Christian, a pastor, a teacher, and a man, my character is slandered and my credibility questioned because of the actions of others.

If we're going to talk unfairness, let's be fair. Which is the real unfairness, here? Women and children being sexually abused by men in positions of authority or people being wary about men in authority?

Perhaps it's unfair that men in positions of authority are not automatically given the respect and credibility they feel entitled to having. This is what happens when very few men betray the well-being of those entrusted to their care.

But instead of whining about how unfair it is, can these men can bring themselves to earn the respect and confidence of those entrusted to their care?

But what most disturbed me about this piece was the final conclusion:

Women now outnumber men in colleges in America.  In the next generation, women will become more the leaders of the world than they ever have been.  And as that happens, there will be a growing desire to “stick it to the man,” literally.  More women will decide, as some already have, that men are useless.  They aren’t needed to make babies.  They aren’t needed to raise babies.  They aren’t needed as leaders, teachers, pastors, or anything else, because they can be replaced.

Seriously, HUH?! Talk about a stunning leap of logic. More women going to college means that more women will decide that men are useless? Right. Educating girls and women--THAT'S the real menace to society!

What does this hyperbolic, hysterical logic-leaping accomplish? If anything, it enables the continued victimization of women and children because it does nothing to promote the action-igniting empathy of innocent bystanders. Instead, these bystanders are rendered apathetic because they are so entrenched in a state of supposed "reverse discrimination."

I've seen this firsthand. When my grandfather's sex scandal was exposed, some of the leadership (the innocent bystanders) took a similar position. They whined about being "lumped together" with my grandfather. They complained about how unfair it was that they were "guilty by association."

Instead of honestly examining the ways they contributed to the disaster, many of them just walked away. Some of them are now serving in other churches--without ever having offered apologies or made reparation.

IS THAT FAIR?

The men I admire, the men I love are the ones who realize that sometimes good men are called upon to clean up messes they didn't make. These noble men step into the breach and tend the wounded, pick up the fallen, bind wounds they didn't cause.

These men don't complain about unfairness or berate the stupid selfishness of lesser men. These are men who, like a priest I know, call for glass doors on their Confessional booths because they want to avoid even the appearance of evil. These are men who encourage the education of women and aren't intimdated by it.

These are men who take seriously the victimization of women and children.

I know men like this and it's my greatest privilege to be married to one. I know my good man would lay down his life for me.

And he wouldn't complain about it being unfair.

 

Tweeting For the Glory of God! {a handy guide to Biblical tweeting}

Dearly Beloved, we are gathered today to promote Biblical Tweeting on the Twitter. We believe in bringing every tweet captive to the mind of Christ. Additionally, we believe that every man must give an account for his tweets. (Women shouldn't even be tweeting because it usurps authority over a man, so we'll just ignore those Jezebels for now).

As is fitting and proper, all Bible references come from THE ONLY AUTHORIZED VERSION, the KJV.

1. Back up every tweet with a Bible verse. For example: "Time for family dinner! 1 Cor. 11:33 'when ye come together to eat, tarry one for another.'"

 2. Try to make it obvious that you're a narcissistic fame-monger; ie. "I challenge ANY church to match the spiritual maturity of any 500 members of my AWESOME church!"

3. Over-sell your upcoming worship service; ie. "This Sunday is going to be a profound, life-changing example of how God is moving in our church!"

4. We all know your children are wonderful examples, and it's needful to brag about them; ie. "My daughter choose to do a report on the book of Doctrine I wrote. PTL for godly seed!"

5. If you have a bazillion followers, quit ye like men and act like a martyr when you lose one or two; ie. "When people unfollow me, I know they're not disagreeing with me but with God."

6.  Please remember that you and Jesus are like totally the same; ie. "When people forsake my church, I know exactly how Jesus felt when His disciples forsook Him."

7. Threats of damnation are exceedingly useful, anything to get 'em into the kingdom, amen? ie., "If you struggle with p*rn, try putting a fire-hose in your face."

8. A hot, submissive wife who can find? Her Tworth is above rubies! ie., "Ladies in denim jumpers are hard to resist, so happy is he who has one!"

9. Give the impression that you think upon edifying, inspirational quotes all day; ie., "Feeling down? Attitude is everything! Rejoice in the Lord, ALWAYS!"

10. Send super-spiritual automatic direct messages to all new followers; ie., "Super blessed you followed me! Can't wait to encourage you in your walk! Buy my book?"

We, the trustees of Biblical Tweeting, do sincerely pray these suggestions edify and encourage you. Come back next week for: Biblical Twomanhood: a God-fearing woman's guide to Holy Tweeting.

**disclaimer! all tweets are fictional and any resemblance to real tweets by actual people is a STRICT coincidence. No, seriously. I'm serious. For reals. (Don't kill me, Pastor Mark Driscoll, k? I got mad cage-fighting skillz, yo)***

-----------------------------------------------
if you don't subscribe, your salvation is DEFINITELY hanging in da balance: